I think it was one of the most profound times in my life when I realised that my childhood trauma had been in the driving seat throughout my life and behind every decision I ever made.
What a revelation. In my new found understanding I went through such a catalogue of emotions. Anger…because what I went through wasn’t my fault, but it had most certainly made a sham of my life and I had suffered because of it.
Shame and blame…because I had acted out, made decisions and hurt others terribly and at times without any concern for their pain. And also shame for how my behaviour had represented me in the world. The awareness that I had portrayed at times, a persona that was not my own, but that of a wounded child. A child that lived in an adult body but was for most of the time not fit to live as one.
Fear…that the damage that had been done from 3 months old was so ingrained that I would never recover from it and what I had become would always be the biggest part of me.
But do you know what is strange? As soon as I became aware of my trauma and how it had impacted my life, I truly began my healing journey.
Acceptance of me led me to a space I had never held for myself. A space where I was able to think I was important enough to be healed. You see before, I had wanted to heal, but did not feel worthy of it. A strange contradiction in terms, of which I have often discussed with my clients whilst in their therapy sessions.
How do you discipline yourself in regular practices necessary to heal if you don’t feel worthy of giving yourself healing in the first place?
Trauma is like the pink elephant in the room, it’s always there but you can’t quite see it. It does however manifest in many forms.
Problems in relationships, addictions, depression, anxiety, inability to cope with everyday stress. Low self-esteem, lack of self-love, phobias, financial problems, challenges in self-belief in the workplace which results in being unable to push oneself forward and achieve.
And of course when we live with these types of results in our lives it’s no wonder that long term we develop illnesses.
Now, not wanting to focus on the negative, I want you to know that most of the time you come into awareness of your trauma after you have suffered at the hands of yourself and through the actions of others and have reached the point where you have just had enough. Enough of your life as it, of yourself and your pain. This is not a process you can rush, or blame yourself for. We all have different pain thresholds and levels of ability to hold onto our negative beliefs and behaviours. We all come into our awakening when the time is right. Hence the saying ‘It’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey.’ No truer words said.
So, as you read this I want you to know that the timing is perfect. You are coming into self-realization right when you should. And you are not on your own. If you decide to embrace the challenge of healing, it will be tough and you will fall, but you will also build up such resilience, such a powerful sense of self. Of right and wrong. Of forgiveness of others and hopefully of you too. You will have the opportunity to connect with your inner self at such a deep level and feel the true joy and happiness that can come from within. You will understand that regardless of what you have in the material world, it will never be able to match the quality of your internal world.
And you may even come to a point in your life where you are grateful for the pain, because it just may lead you to having a fuller, more open and loving heart and also a deep sense of purpose and passion to serve.
If you would like to know more about how you can heal from your past and create a happy and bright future.
Do contact me for a FREE consultation.