Many of us experienced some form of neglect or abuse when we were children (whether from parents, other caregivers, teachers, other children etc) but have no concept of the damage it actually did. We may come into awareness that we are dysfunctional in some ways as we grow up into adulthood and keep making the same mistakes, like repeatedly getting into toxic relationships, have addictions, depression, anxiety…the list goes on. Or we may just believe it’s just the way we were born. Either way, we know for sure as we observe others, that life could be easier and happier.
The challenge lies in how can we make it so?
We may look outside ourselves for the relief, look to others to heal our wounds, but this practice just brings more pain and isolation. So at some point after trying almost everything on hand, we come to a decision that we must go inside to find the answers, that we must in fact heal ourselves, possibly with guidance from a therapist that is educated and experienced in the kind of work that needs to be done.
So we begin our journey, peeling back the layers, unwinding the tension that is built up inside and is made up of all the parts of us that were hurt. The parts that we vowed we would never show to another. For fear of reprisal, of rejection, abuse and judgement.
And the journey means sitting with the pain that the child part of us is still carrying. When we do this work one of the most important tools we can use, after gaining more awareness of what hurt us and why we developed the beliefs and protective behaviours, is to begin to acknowledge the child inside us. Our little self, that could not ask for what they needed, or give themselves it. The child that couldn’t escape, the one that had to stay in a place that didn’t always feel safe, stable, kind, loving, compassionate and healthy.
As adults we can begin to re-integrate the child in us by acknowledging their existence and what they went through. By validating them, and their pain.
By loving them for the perfect child that they are.
In acceptance, the child is then able to move away from the past, to heal their wounds and stop acting out.
We can then move forward emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually and create the lives that we truly deserve and desire.
If you have been struggling for some time and suffering the negative effects you experienced as a child and want to break free from the pain and toxic cycles, please contact me for a 15 minute FREE consultation, where we can explore the therapy I can offer in order for you to heal.