This is the part where I get to share my story, to help you understand my why and how I can help you.
Up until my late 30s I pretty much played at life, although I worked hard and had a great job working with children who had disabilities or had suffered from abuse, neglect and abandonment. I wasn’t really doing the best I could. I had suffered from dark moods and depression from being a teenager and just accepted that, I was just built that way. After my mother died in my late thirties, things really fell apart and I felt I could not continue. With a string of failed relationships, addictions, lack of control in my finances and a general feeling of unworthiness, I knew there was a root to my issues that I hadn’t addressed.
After training as a life coach with Tony Robbins, I came across a few spiritual leaders such as the late Dr. Wayne Dyer and H.R.H the Dalai Lama and my life began to take a different turn. After much reflection, thousands of studying books and videos, I realized that my whole life had been overshadowed by my childhood trauma. That spending time alone through no fault of my own or my mothers, in a hospital whilst I had a lifesaving operation, had left me with so many issues including severe abandonment and separation anxiety.
That in fact at the time of my trauma, the subconscious part of my brain had become programmed to be hypervigilant. Always looking out for any perceived dangers, not taking risks so as not to become unsafe. As I got older, I learnt to use food and others substances to soothe my nervous system and to help me change my feelings of discomfort, of living a life that didn’t reflect the real me.
I had post-traumatic stress disorder, I had lived all my life in a state of anxiety and having only momentary relief, I had also developed depression.
You see when your psychological state has been changed through trauma, you to some extent lose your natural identity. You stop trusting your intuition because it is running a programme through a fearful state and of course this has huge repercussions in every area of your life.
Once I came into awareness of how I had been living I went through so many emotions. Anger at the unfairness of my fate soon turned into victimhood. ‘Why me?’ ‘Why did I have to have this rotten, messed up start to life, that would influence every choice I made.
After years of living in the dark I knew that I had to take full responsibility for my state, if I wanted to live a happy and successful life, free from the chains of depression and anxiety.
So, I began to search for answers, to work on myself, to re-connect with my real self, the one that had been oppressed for so long. I found balance, spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically. I discovered ways to be courageous again and to trust myself to take risks and even enjoy it. I learnt to believe in me, to love myself and to be confident in my capabilities.
A journey for sure, with many uphill battles. But I knew that even though my trauma wasn’t my fault, my recovery and life was my responsibility.
As a coach, I now work with women who are living with the traumatic effects of abandonment and neglect. Who self-sabotage in their relationships, choose the wrong men time after time and have a lack of self-worth and self-love.
Women who are desperate to change. And are ready to heal from the past and create love for themselves and others.
I come to give hope and restore faith, to walk alongside my clients as they reconnect back to themselves and to help them create the life they truly want and most of all deserve.