Breaking the Ties
Are you a twenty or even thirty something, who is struggling to leave home and embrace your independence?
Statistics show that young adults are staying at home with their parents more than ever before.
If I were to ask you why this is?…I think the majority of you would instinctively blame the recent financial crisis….but you would be wrong!
Let me tell you the real reason…..Cross generation coalition.
Cross generation Coalition is basically an in appropriate relationship between different generations within a family. I’ll give you an example-
Imagine a family consisting of ,a mother, father, a boy and a girl. The father had, had a typically Victorian upbringing, where boys in particular did not demonstrate emotions or show love and affection. When he had became an adult he married and had children. And as the years went by he spent more time at work due to the financial demands of having a family, less time with his children and even less time on a one-to-one with his wife.
He had never really shown much love and affection to his wife, but as is normal in the first few years of a relationship, sexual activity was high, creating intimacy, that can be perceived as deep and meaningful love, without verbal expression or much physical closeness outside of the bedroom.
As humans our basic needs can be filled in many ways both negatively and positively and one of our greatest needs is the desire to be loved unconditionally. Within the scenario of this family, the mother will more often than not realise the power and strength of the unconditional love she has with her children, she will subconsciously look towards her children to continuously fill this need rather than her almost emotionally, estranged husband. Over time the children will then become dependant on this high intensity, unconditional love from their mother (Cross generation Coalition), tying them ever tighter to the apron strings and restricting them to lower quality relationships outside. They may well struggle with achieving in the work place also, having no real drive for success in their chosen career. As they are constantly aware of the mother always being there for them, financially too. The father’s role continues to diminish further as the bonds between mother and children tighten and leave the father feeling powerless, insignificant, unloved and resentful towards his family.
If this situation or some of the characteristics sound familiar or are happening to you in your family right now, I have good news!! With a good life coach and Strategic Intervention techniques, work can be done quickly and easily in-order to re-establish appropriate relationships, freeing children to grow into mature, responsible, successful adults and allowing parents to re-establish a loving and intimate relationship.